Last Sunday, I was going through some stuff in my office and came across the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly.  I turned to Ray and told him next time it came to subscribe, he could just throw away the notice.  Since we don’t watch TV anymore and most all movies that come out today suck, we have no connection to who’s who in EW.  Later that night, I remembered the ACADEMY AWARDS® were on and for the first time ever in my life…I didn’t watch them.  I didn’t care.

I have watched the OSCARS® all my life and dreamed of someday winning for best actor, director, screenplay and at one point–best special effects.  Over time–after more than a decade in the business–I grew weary of the whole OSCAR® thing.  It’s a shitty industry with shitty fucked up people–and probably why my language is unappologetically peppered with vulgarities.  The more famous someone is, the more they are in need of Thorazine.  I have been back stabbed, screamed at and mentally manipulated by messed up insecure people (and I use the term people loosely).  Some of my industry friends thought I was crazy to leave LA.  Hell, all of them did.  It wasn’t until a few years of living in Chicago–a real city–until I realized how messed up LA really was.  Chicago is great but cold and when Ray’s bank offered a move back to LA or a layoff package deal, we settled on the latter and decided to move to Bisbee, Arizona which is about as close to Lost Angeles as we wanted to be.

When we first moved here to Bisbee, a film company came into town to film Stephen King’s Desperation.  I was filling up my car at the gas station when I recognized a guy I had worked with many years before.  I said hi and he looked at me for a second, his face searching for some connection as to why he recognized me and then he said, “Bob! (my first name)  Oh my god!  It’s been years.  Hey, are you here on the production?” and I said, “No! I live here and work for the county!”

The look on his face was priceless.

He was…cordial to say the least.  I’m sure he was laughing inside, but when I think of how I no longer live out of a hotel room for months or have 15 hour days or deal with headcase movie people and stress levels like you’ve never felt before–I was the one laughing.   Yeah, I’m the loser who’s no longer in the Business.  I now have a steady creative/technical job I love in my chosen field.  I share a beautiful custom home with a pool on 16 acres and 360 degree views with an amazingly handsome man that I’m madly in love with.  I get off work every day at 5:30 and have every other Friday off (and I’m allowed to telecommute from home on occasion).  Did I mention that I look better than ever, have great sex on a regular basis and have enough free time to work on my own personal creative projects?  Oh yeah…it sucks not being a part of the Business anymore.  What misery…not.

I didn’t feel weird about not watching the ACADEMY AWARDS® this year, I felt weird because I just didn’t care.  Actually, I just didn’t feel anything.  There was no love lost.  The only thing in the movies this past year that had my interest was…

Daniel Day-Lewis with a stache!
Stache Man

And he won!  Of course he won.  He puts the ME in method actor.  I know because I worked on the film The Crucible.  Daniel doesn’t know it but, he’s in love with me. 

There were three highlights to working on The Crucible. 

1. Finding out that Winona Ryder is a total FREAK.
2. Meeting playwright extraordinaire Arthur Miller (His son Bob produced the film and Mr. Miller wrote the screenplay adaptation).
3. Meeting Daniel Day-Lewis and seeing him every day (BTW, he’s one of the very few I have worked with who’s actually quite nice).  Sigh…

I had a very bad experience working on that film.  It was to be my last film before I moved to Chicago to be with Ray.  They hired me on a “Five or six day workweek” contract but because the stupid producers made a huge scheduling mistake, I ended up working seven days a week with no compensation for the seventh day.  I quit the show two weeks before we wrapped and they gave my replacement, “Brian Albushies” full credit as the payroll accountant but that’s OK, the film tanked at the box office and Winona Ryder got busted shoplifting which ruined what was left of her career.  Can we say, “Schadenfreude”?

You never quit a show in Hollywood.  That’s bad mojo.  Years later, after the dot com bust, I went back to work in film production.  I was working on The Weather Man.  Long, freak-show story short, my boss Ramona <<insert whatever her current last name is based on her marital status>>, the complete C. U. Next. Tuesday production accountant who was a vampire–she fell and sliced her arm open and it didn’t bleed–was a horrible manipulative bitch and it just so happened that our house sold and we could move to paradise in Arizona whenever we wanted.  So I quit.  I quit a show twice.  He he he…

Goodbye OSCAR® and fuck you Hollywood.  Fuck. You.

5 Thoughts on “How I Broke Up With OSCAR®

  1. I hear staches are in. 😉

  2. There will be stache.

  3. Indeed, ‘staches are back. I’ve seen a number of them on young urban hipsters in DC.

    Cobban was cool before ‘staches returned as cool.

    Goddamn this two-word secret security password thing just to make a comment is a pain in the ass, fyi.

  4. I think you should write a screenplay about your life. Who would play me (albeit a very minor role)?

  5. Big C,

    Ouch! You dropped so many names one of them landed on my foot!

    Daniel Day Lewis’ dad was a famous poet. DDL lives way out in the Irish countryside with his wife and kids. I suspect he feels the same as you about Hollywood.

    I am acquainted with a famous person. He once asked me what I thought of his fame and I responded with, “I consider it a kind of mild yet chronic affliction worthy of my intermittent pity.” Ugh. They can have it.

    My spamblocker phrase today is: stance Kennedy. Good band name?


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