Owen Wilson tried to kill himself and the public is up in arms.  Why would a rich talented successful man do that?  I’ll tell you why; he’s probably a freak. 

I performed grunt work doing mostly accounting in film & television for years.  I have been on projects with Uma, Winona, Gwyneth, Tim Robbins and Ben Stiller and I gotta tell ya–freaks.  Borderline personality disorder freaks.  When Ms. Winona got busted for shoplifting several years ago I screamed out “I told you!”

Ray sums it up best; I was telling him how strange Winona was on the set of The Crucible and how I was disappointed because she seemed so cool and down-to-earth in interviews.  Ray just simply said “They’re actors.”

I admit, I’m not one to talk.  I’m a recovering actor myself.  I fell off the wagon a few months ago and emceed a live charity event but I’m better now.  One day at a time.

Yesterday USA Today ran an article about Damage Control for Fallen Stars.  Not only is the media constantly reporting on the bad behavior of marginally talented people, they’re summarizing it in a comprehensive full-paged article with photos and graphs.  This is our news?!  Who ever got the idea the public gives a shit about these D-list Hollywood personalities?

I read there was some concern that Owen’s suicide attempt may prompt others to make copycat attempts.  I think that’s a great idea.  Seriously, has anyone seen anything about Anna Nicole Smith since she popped just one pill too many?  It’s like she magically went away.  The kid is with her biological father and free from growing up with a whack-nut drugged out mother flopping it around like some accessory.

Here is a list of entertainers who should go away:

Britney Spears (Just think how much better off the kids will be.)
Isaiah Washington (I don’t care if he called someone a faggot, he just wouldn’t shut up about it.)
Lindsey Lohan (Do we need a reason?)
Paris Hilton (She’s off the list.  Looks like she’s been humbled by a stint in the slammer.)
Nicole Ritchie (OK, she’s preggers.  Have the kid and then split.  Remember, think of the kids.)
Ann Coulter (Hey, why not?)
Michael Jackson (Do you want the whole list or just the top ten?)
Tom Cruise (I was surprised how long he held it together before he cracked.)

In some ways I have to give these people wiggle room.  I can’t fully blame them for their over exposure.  In typical American fashion, we took something good like the news and capitalized on it creating a demand for a constant feed that grew so big the actual news itself wasn’t happening as fast as Bitney’s dog could shit on a $6000 dress.

It’s completely out of character for me to wish bad on anyone but I am so sick of hearing about these people.  You see a lot of interviews where celebs whine about “the pressure” and how it’s hard to be in their shoes.  Actually, I’m sure it is–but that’s why they get paid big bucks and get to be idolized by millions.  It pisses me off that we all have to behave but Ms. Spears and be a total freak and still be in the spotlight.   If I were gorgeous, rich and famous, I would be so thankful to the Universe and terrified that any bad behavior would come back and bite my Karmic ass.  Let’s make nice-nice so it all keeps coming.

On a lighter note, an untimely death is just the thing to reinvigorate a fading career.  Britney could release a retrospective of her greatest hit.  Lifetime television could run Isaiah Washington’s one guest starring episode of Touched by an Angel in heavy rotation and perhaps then we could all get back to the real news; Leona Helmsley’s dog inherits 12 million bucks.

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