Category Archives: The Basics

There is some person out there who needs to be taken out and shot right between the eyes or better yet, have their limbs and other extremities ripped off one by one.  This individual has been using our phone number to set up bad credit accounts.  Since the day our phone was connected three and a half years ago,  we get daily messages for Steve Parra or Sandra Corrall to call <<insert credit collector or law firm here>> right away about an important matter.

For a while, our outgoing voicemail message said no one by those names lived here, but that did not work.  The lawyers and collection agencies would leave nasty messages anyway.  I’m assuming this person is from around here and possibly female because once, while purchasing something at the local Sears, I was asked for my phone number and when I gave it to them Sandra Corall came up.  Even when setting up XM satellite radio, Ms. Sandra was already in their database with our phone number.

If I ever find this person, I’m going to bitch-slap them into tomorrow.

On a related-unrelated note:  While I was at work today, I discovered there is an individual who has set up AOL websites that appear to be our County Assessor’s website from a search engine result.  This asshole capitalizes on the misspelling of the word assessor (assesor).  Yesterday I received a phone call from a man within the county who performed a Google search for our County’s Assesor, saw what looked like a link to our county site, clicked on it and was prompted to download a Microsoft ActiveX component.  After doing so, his computer became infected to the point of inoperability and had to go in for service.  I made several attempts to contact AOL because these sites all start with: user.aol.com.  I finally got through to their corporate office and asked for technical assistance.  My call was transferred to voicemail.  So far, I have not heard anything back.  Apparently, this is happening to other people as well.

What a surprise!

I hate Steve, Sandra and AOL.  I really hate the shithead who get’s their kicks by preying on people and their computers.  It’s so “Huhhhuhhh hu uhh…luuk whut I did..hu huuhhu…I mayde somfing bad happyn.” 

I had a little fantasy of our County Attorney getting in touch with AOL and actually finding the individual who is doing this and throwing their ass in jail but I quickly realized they would eventually get out on good behavior and get a superhighpaying job with some big computer company.

Perhaps AOL will hire them.

Hey everybody!  It’s 4 AM and I’m wide awake! 

What is it with me?  Actually, I know exactly what it is.  I think too much.  I have been told I suffer from clinical depression which is insane because I’m not depressed.  My mind just functions at warp speed.  I wake up in the middle of the night and the thoughts start rolling in.  That’s a common theme for creative types.  That’s why art is manifested.  We think too much and it gets to us.  Some more than others. 

It seems antidepressants are society’s answer to everything these days.  Everyone is walking around in a medicated fog.  I admit I’ve had bouts of taking mental meds.  One time in particular when life was all nutted up, my doctor recommended antidepressants.  I was worried about sexual side effects so my doc prescribed Remeron.  He said there were no sexual side effects but it may make me gain a little weight. 

Oh he was so cute. 

I packed on 20 pounds!  Remeron totally increased my appetite.  I couldn’t stop eating.  It also made me have to sleep at least 10 hours a night.  No insomnia there.  I was totally tired and fat, but man I was HAPPY!!

Then there was Wellbutrin which had the opposite effect.  I lost weight and was wired.  It almost made me lose my mind.  After about a year of Wellbutrin, I started having paranoid delusions.  I thought Ray was trying to poison me and felt like something bad was always about to happen.  These feelings were accompanied by freaky panic attacks that I had to keep locked up inside my head.  You can’t let people know the whole world is about to explode because they’d think you were crazy.  It was absolutely psychotic, but man. I was HAPPY!!

I don’t do antidepressants anymore.  That shit is nasty.  Ever since we got rid of the TV, started eating well and getting exercise, my depression stopped.  Oh sure, I have a few sleepless nights here and there and occasionally get a little whacked out emotionally but I’m not at all like I used to be.  I’m really quite well adjusted and happy.

Could you imagine if Vincent van Gogh were on antidepressants?  He might still have his ear but we wouldn’t have his art.  Mozart on Prozac?  I shudder to think. 

Hey world!  You want to feel better?  Get off your fat asses and go for a walk!  Turn off the TV and go outside.  Explore the produce section at the supermarket!  You’ll be glad you did.

I’m going back to bed…

…especially with broccoli stalks.  Add tomatoes, carrots, red cabbage, green pepper, parsley, avocado, green onion, a bit of feta cheese and a light dressing and viola!  You’ve got a great meal.  A meal for someone like me with a huge appetite. 

Let’s face it.  I like to clean my plate.  I have an insatiable appetite for everything especially food, sex, laughter and sleep.  The latter being something I don’t get enough of. 

If you’re going to overdo it and eat a lot of something, it may as well be veggies.  They’re good for you–as long as you don’t coat them with a thick layer of ranch dressing. 

I remember having a heated discussion with someone about the benefits of a diet that includes raw veggies and them telling me “That’s what food eats.”  Of course the person saying this was practically on the brink of morbid obesity and a perfect candidate for type 2 diabetes.  But hey, who am I to judge?  Chicks dig balding opinionated guys with beer bellies.

OK, on a totally unrelated note (It’s non sequitur day!):

Why why why is Brintey Spears famous?  Who gives a crap about this stoopid beyotch?  There is a world of things going on out there and every day we get bombarded by several updates on her erratic behavior.

This just in: Britney had a boil lanced–film at 11.

Who cares!?!?  Let’s start a “Just Say No” campaign for Ms. Spears.  The woman does not deserve the attention of the general public.  She was never a really good singer in the first place!  She soulds like she has two teeny tiny little vocal chords in her nostrils.  There are so many other singers out there who can actually carry a tune (calling Pink and Christina Aguilera!)  I am, for the most part, a down-to-earth-give-peace-a-chance kind of guy but this chick makes me rethink genocide.

Last night a sudden wicked thunderstorm hit Stolen Horseshoe.  Most of the time during our monsoon storms there is a flash which is subsequently followed by a boom.  That’s pretty much the pattern.  However, every once in a while there’s the storm that seems to posture itself directly on top of our house.  They produce fla-booms. 

The fla-boom is when the lightning hits the ground so treacherously close to where you’re standing that the flash doesn’t even have time to finish doing its thing before the boom rips through the air.  Fla-boom!

And here I am standing outside with electronic gear on a metal tripod trying to photograph it.

The storm was pretty spectacular.  My coworker who lives just down the road told me that her power went out at around ten o’ clock and was out for two hours.  I guess we got lucky. 

Yesterday morning, Ray and I went for a jog.  I was pushing myself to go at least a mile and a half without walking.  Halfway through our run, Ray asked “Don’t you have that meeting with the Chamber of Commerce this morning?”  Since Monday was a vacation day, I did not have the opportunity to see it on my calendar at work.  It startled me that I had forgotten.  I made a bee-line to the house and jumped in the shower.  While getting dressed, sweat was still oozing from my pores.  Here I was trying to look professional in my nice big-boy clothes and I could not stop schvitzing.

I raced out the door, drove to work, and made a quick appearance in the office.  Got back in the car,  drove to Old Bisbee and ran into the hotel where the meeting was being held.

It was the wrong day.

Today is my meeting.  There I was in the hotel lobby drenched in sweat feeling like a big sweatbomb.  Taking Monday off had me all turned around.  Today feels like it should be Thursday but alas, it’s only Wednesday.  I decided not to jog this morning.  At least I’ll be at my meeting on time and I’ll be dry.

This little guy is called a Mexican General.  In a very short period of time, these things will be everywhere and they’ll be big.  They’re quite striking in color–especially when they mature but I loathe them nonetheless because they eat at my cactus garden. 

Summer is starting to wind down.  It’s depressing.  The whole idea behind moving to Arizona was the sun and the heat.  I like heat.  I love heat.  There is nothing more appealing than long blazing days lounging by the pool.  Since this monsoon season has brought us some cool cloudy weather, I feel that I’m entitled to a few more weeks of 90 degree weather.

Our home is in the high desert plains.  When winter comes, it gets fairly cold.  It can even snow at times.  I’m so not ready for cold short days.  This is the time of year where I feel like a kid at Disneyland right after the Main Street Electrical Parade.  You know the day is going to come to an end soon and you’re scrambling to get on the Matterhorn Bobsleds one…more…time…

Oh well.  Life can’t always be Disneyland. 

Ray decided to go into work today. (We both had the day off.)  His aunt in Chicago is having health problems and he may have to go out there this weekend so he went in to work in case he needs Friday off.  Carl and I are going to go out for breakfast and then we’re going to kick around all day.  I’m kind of tired because I stayed up most of the night watching the meteor shower.  (No, I did not get any photos and I’m pissed about it.)  I think I see a nap in my future.